Self-help principle #5:
Work on delaying your analysis and worry, not trying to stop them altogether.But some worriers are in a deeper hole than others. Those who struggle with anxiety tend to have acute worry problems. They develop a kind of "mental itch," a compulsion to visit and revisit matters, to turn them around and overanalyze them. When a worry comes to mind, they feel uncomfortable leaving it alone. But the analysis almost never resolves the worrisome thought. On the contrary, it only deepens the anxiety.
So what can they do? Well, they can grit their teeth, ignore the "itch" and tell themselves they simply won't ever think about the troubling thought that has intruded into their consciousness. But it won't work. There is too much mental discomfort in trying to disregard a given worry forever and ever. It's too ambitious a program.
Edna Foa and Reid Wilson, in their book Stop Obsessing!, outline a more effectual strategy: Tell yourself you won't think about the troubling concern now, but that you will do so later. Set an appointment with yourself to think about the concern. Give yourself a set amount of time to analyze it. Then be done with it.
The mental dialog goes like this: This worry really troubles me right now. And it may warrant my consideration. But I'm not going to analyze it right now. I'll set aside some time at 10:30 a.m. -- say, 10 or 15 minutes -- to hash this thing out. That's about an hour from now. I can hang in there for an hour of not analyzing it.
Chances are, when 10:30 comes, that particular worry won't have the emotional stranglehold over you that it did the moment it entered your mind. It will have dissipated significantly. You may not even feel you need to keep the appointment at all, and that's fine. Let it go.
If we don't let it go, we may have something much more significant to worry about -- something warranted and real. It's a life wasted on worry, an existence devoid of energy and joy. And worse yet, it's the shipwreck of our health. Physicians will testify to the damage worry can do to the heart, immune system and general well-being.
So let's turn from the future ills that may or may not beset us and turn to the real task at hand: living our lives today, engaging the challenges of this 24-hour block of time. If we don't, we may be limiting the number of tomorrows we have left.
