Self-help principle #2:
Recognize that the thing your fear the most is your fear.FDR addressed an anxious nation that had fallen on hard economic times with this words: "The only thing we have to fear is ... fear itself." But he could just as easily have been addressing individuals today who suffer chronic anxiety. Many could offer a long list of fears that trouble them. But in reality, their real fear is often fear itself. "Oh no! What if I flip out? What if I panic and make a fool of myself! What if my anxiety never goes away and I always feel awful from now on!"
An anticipation of fear -- the worry about being anxious -- is a self-fulfilling prophecy. The story is all too familiar to so many of us. The sufferer frantically tries to stop the anxiety. It must be stopped! It must! But the strenuous attempts to drive it away only stoke the fire. The desperation that accompanies these efforts actually generates more anxiety. Fresh waves of fear crash over the mind that struggles to make it stop.
Body symptoms differ among individuals. Cold sweat, hot flashes, spaced-out feelings of unreality. But one thing the sufferers have in common is this: The harder they try to force the fear out of their consciousnesses, the more it persists and the worse it gets. Sometimes it ends in a full-scale panic attack that leaves the person exhausted and fearful of another such episode.
This is not a description of an insane person. Rather, it is someone who, though sane, has developed a bad habit -- a habit of thought. The sufferer has experienced the unpleasantness of fear and is vexed with the prospect of going through it again. He has trained himself to dread it. And that dread is the key that unlocks another Pandora's box of terrors.
In time, he becomes an expert in scaring himself. The more he practices these modes of thought, the more quickly the intensity spikes. One thought can send adrenaline rushing through his body. That physical sensation alarms him. It's happening again! Not again! Not here! Not now!
There is a better way. The sufferer came into his miserable state by habit -- that is, through repeated thoughts and behaviors that have become second nature. He can get out of it the same way. He can form new habits of thought. First, he must realize that the FDR quote applies to him -- that he is only afraid of fear. In his heart of hearts, he doesn't really believe the catastrophic thoughts that sometimes pop into his mind. At the core of his trouble is a helpless anticipation of being manhandled by panic and anxiety. The only thing he really fears during these episodes is the escalating fear. He is scared of being scared. And of course he does, because it is such a tormenting emotion.
The new habit of thought must go something like this:I am starting to get anxious. But I know that, more than anything right now, I'm afraid of getting anxious. I also know that trying desperately to stop it will only make it intensify. So I won't try. I'll just be anxious right now. After all, it's only fear. I'm in no real danger. Fear can't injure me. It can make me uncomfortable, but that's all. So I'll just put up with being uncomfortable for now. It will pass. It always does.
Fight the fear, worry, obsessive thoughts and they loom larger and larger. Your fight gives them credibility and power. But something different happens when you consistently accept them, resign yourself to them, tell yourself to just wait them out. The episodes grow shorter and shorter. In time, they become less menacing. They no longer terrify and impair your quality of life.
FDR was right about fear. It is the real enemy. Recognizing this can help you get through the crisis.
