Self-help principle #3:
Become preoccupied with the pain of others, not your own.Self-preoccupation should be regarded one of the greatest enemies of anxiety sufferers. Worry and anxiety often occur in people overly concerned about themselves -- what they may have to suffer, what others may think of them, how they are feeling at the moment. People who give little thought to such things may have their problems, but not anxiety.
Anxiety sufferers are often introspective, endlessly dissecting their feelings. They retrace their conversations to determine if they might have said something that puts them in a bad light. They wonder how they might feel tomorrow, fretting about how they would possibly cope if such-and-such were to happen. In short, they expend too much energy thinking about themselves.
This is not intended to be a rebuke or an insult. Many such people are simply sensitive -- too much so. Sensitivity engenders self-preoccupation, and vice versa. A person with sensitive skin is apt to be more careful with himself than the average person. He will probably avoid open sun or anything else that might harm him, concerning himself with things the average person never thinks about.
It is no different with a person who has an overly sensitive emotional makeup. He will be much more preoccupied with his feelings -- especially his fears -- than the average person. And having an analytical, creative mind can magnify the preoccupation. He is not necessarily a bad person, only one who has learned a habit of excessive self-regard. And that is precisely what he must unlearn.
Turning your concerns away from self and toward others can be a healing balm. An illustration might help here. Suppose a tornado ripped through your neighborhood. You are unhurt, but others are crying out, trapped under rubble. They are bleeding, battered and need your help. What's running through your mind at the time? A nagging fear that a mole on your arm might be cancer? Probably not. The usual stream of unwarranted worries would likely be shut off as you try to get help for the tornado victims. Your imaginary crisis would fade as you confront a genuine one.
Anxiety sufferers have tremendous mental energy. They focus it with intensity. But they focus it wrongly. Suppose that energy were to be turned outward, to a good cause.
All around you are people in dire need. Our cities teem with homeless. Nursing homes are full of lonely, despairing people who need someone to care about them. There are illiterate adults seeking a teacher so they can read and write. And a compassionate visitor could soothe many dying in hospices. Churches and service organizations offer innumerable opportunities to help others -- there is a niche for everyone.
Turn your concerns into yourself and you will be miserable. Turn them toward others, and watch your worries begin to ebb away. The choice is yours.
